You will know pain
when it leaves you crouching on the bathroom floor
Towel deep in your mouth muffling your screams
You will know,
because you will question your body’s ability
to hold so much without breaking
You will beg for it to break
They are you, you are them

Waking up with a heavy body
Joints and ribs sore from a bed
that became your home for days
You wake up screaming
You have felt this before
But this is different
You question your strength
How is it possible for pain to rest so deeply in your bones
it becomes an unwanted friend
It wraps you in a deathly cold
They are you, you are them

You will know pain when it leaves you in your bed,
Day’s unremembered
Hands tired from wiping itchy eyes
and tear stained cheeks.
Jerking out of unremembered nightmares
Sweating in the cold
You will know
They are you, you are them

You will learn there are journeys you take alone
You will walk the long lonely path towards healing
You will try to wash yourself clean
You try but it’s never enough
These memories belong in your skin
They are you, you are them

You will learn how things bury itself
at the bottom of your belly, heavy
But slowly it will lighten
You will walk….
You will walk
They are you, you are them

A saint
Flawed, mother, daughter, lover,
Saint
She found love were it didn't exist
Grew trees in the desert
Broke down curses the devil spoke
She fought her wars silently
Devotedly, she prayed to her chi
Did he listen, was he aware of her pain?
Was the weight of her heart his gain?
Her perfume stinks like the musk of his misdeeds
She wore it day and night, it clung to her skin

Buried in the muds of subjugation
Yet levitated
A queen of hearts but no crown
It laid at the bottom of her heart
Like Skeleton of dead trees
The bones of unborn children rot while you live
He cut short your life while you still breathe.
Do you feel the oxygen vibrating in your lungs?
Do you feel it come to a stop?
Do you feel it leave your body without a soul,
and then a bag of bones?
You are buried like the forgotten
There is no home for you in the afterlife
You will insanity to give you peace
In a world of flux your pain is a constant.

I ask Nne,
When will you begin to enjoy your suffering?

My father said to be holy, clean, righteous
My mother told me not to cry young
So l held my pain, I bottled it all up

I grew up in a castle
Not a damsel but distress followed me
I wore prayers I didn't understand
Like an armory keeping demons away
A demon I realized was you.
He said a sinner was one who knew his sins
So I elevated my head, I stood righteous
Ten decades of praying beads I didn't understand
Two decades of painting purples on her skin
Powder and Rogue, sunglasses and perfume
Hide the scars, save him from his sins
Maybe he'll consider you human too

Cry, cry mother why
A demon rules our house
Fear and terror cloud our mouths
Don’t you breathe easy in a crowd of strangers?
Easier than the grey choking walls of this castle?
Do you convince yourself that your rouge
Covers up the purple on your skin?
That slight bruise everyone sees
No-one is ready to save you
Neither could I too

I Wear my father's sins like a crown of thorns
I sit on the foot-stool of my mother's pain
I carry the burdens of my sisters on my shoulders
The chains on my neck still remain
I have a pedigree of ancestors
They point fingers at me in shame
Ancestors who started the cycle of painting purple
A cycle I am learning to break

Even In a desert filled with roses
I see the thorns before its beauty
That's how you taught me
To see my lover as the enemy
See the wrinkles on my face
Feel the sands of time flowing through my veins
Hear the whispers in the dark,
My ancestors will me to join the train
A pedigree of women painted in purples
Bartered in tattoos
This is were my lineage stops

My name is purple
My story is one which you may not understand
I tell it with a broken heart

In a shape is where I stay
I use the word stay because I don’t live there
Not really
Its flat and filled with haze
I am empty inside this shape, this shape is empty too
Filled with nothingness Like I feel emptiness,
Pain, sadness
And the maddening sound of the quiet

In a shape is where I stay
Made of see through bullet proof glass
This shape is a box
I am cold, I feel naked in this box
I feel a deep shame
And everyone judges me for my lack of clothes
But all I want are black robes
A shield from these throes
Then maybe I wouldn’t be judged for a life I never chose

I fall, no one to catches me
I die, no one saves me
The quiet is deafening
It drives you to kill yourself
Still the box comes for your soul

In a shape is where I stay
I use the word stay because I don’t live there
I want to live somewhere else
Or maybe sky rocket to the sun
In this sun I wont burn
I’ll shine so bright The stars will hide
The moon will have no choice but move
The earth will have no choice but tremble
Then the quiet
Nothing hurts anymore.

Cry not when I die ‘cause its nothing new
I don’t want you looking at me with those eyes
having pity on my God forsaken life
My life, not your life, so why cry?
My life where a man pressed skin against skin
with a woman who bore a being like me
A being born in darkness
For there is no good in darkness
Love can’t bloom
A mad demon lives there
Wheres the moon?

Cry not when I die ’cause life’s meaning eludes me
For if I don’t see, why must you shed a tear for me?
My pillow has seen lots of tears
I drenched my clothes with fear
Was it fear or sorrow or hurt
I forget which one, maybe all
The man, my father, a demon who came my way
The woman who bore me, an angel that looked away
Why cry for me now?
You say you love me, how?

Cry not when I die
It’s been 19 years long
Everything still hurts
Physically I’ll still breathe
But my heart is weighed down, it needs to RIP

Cry not when I die, I send my final plea